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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {